Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
