I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
