Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
