Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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