are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
