DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
