lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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