my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
