You just made me feel so damn special
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
