So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
