wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
