where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
