if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
