My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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