I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
