Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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