he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
