why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
