so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
handjob tips. give me some.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
