I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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