i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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