we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
