Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
