I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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