grandma shit on top of the toilet
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
