A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
