His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
should my penis look like a turkey
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
