I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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