you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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