Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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