Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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