I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
