Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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