Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
