I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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