I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
