I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
