I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
