I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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