She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
