did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
