..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
