Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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