turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
