Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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