Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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