There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
