I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
