last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
