I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
