I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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