As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
