This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
